This evening I was having some rare 1-2-1 time with my daughter, her little brother had gone to bed and was asleep in under 5 minutes, so I took Elsa down stairs with me. I gave her a chair to sit on whilst I finished off some baking. She has a sheet to fill in for her move to Year 1, so I read out the questions one at a time and she pondered and then answered me. One questioned asked who her friends were in reception. Elsa rattled off what seemed to me to be the whole class. I said we could probably write that she thinks of all her class chums as friends but who did she play with or go to when upset. She listed a few names which we agreed to write down. Then she said a little shyly and of course "X is my boyfriend". Having gripped the bench whilst taking a sharp intake of breath, I said, "sorry, what?" Elsa again said "X is my boyfriend. Well he will be one day." Whilst I was working out my next move, she then said, "of course I might have a girlfriend, like you and mummy are girlfriends, which would be nicer, but I guess what really matters in all of this is, that I fall in love with someone who falls in love with me, it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl".
And in that instant I wished my daughter was standing up in front of the General Synod having the discussion with me in front of them, because there is more wise, genuine love in that child, than in most of the adults I know. In the book Through the eyes of a child: New insights in theology from a child's perspective, there is a section which reflects on the voices of children in the wilderness years, how "the thinking and practice apparent in conventional religious circles usually suggested children's spiritual resources were deficient in comparison with those of adults - until they had learnt and internalised the prayers, the practices and the beliefs of the tradition".
I couldn't be further from this thinking if I chopped off my own head and offered it for use as the football for the world cup final tomorrow night!! This 5 year old daughter of mine, has shown me (yet again) such grace, unconditional love and wisdom that I feel blessed to have her ministering to me. Ministering to a minister in exile, because of the adults in this world whose obsession with the practices and beliefs of tradition, override that most basic commandment 'to love'.
I sat down with Elsa and we shared a bowl of grapes together and then I snapped a piece of chocolate in half and we ate that together in silence. She then said, "I love you mummy and I love our chats." As one who is exiled from the table because of standing by that commandment 'to love', this grape and chocolate spontaneous Eucharist tonight was quite possibly the most soul nourishing communion, I have ever received.
May we all become like children and thus enter the kingdom of heaven.
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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